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An Opinion Piece: 5 Reasons Why I Hate Fish
by Justin Coté
Posted 05.30.2007
Over the last couple years, a sinister and trendy type of surf riding vehicle has plagued our beaches and shorelines--the fish. Whether it's a "retro" fish (without the retro price), hybrid shortboards with overly wide dimensions, or just a plain ol' "I give up" lazy man's board; I truly hate fish.
That said, for the last week, I've been riding one; flying down the line only to fail miserably when it came time to do a turn; not going on rights because it's worthless backside, and doing ridiculously lame 360s in the whitewash. I'm over it, and you should be, too. Before you crucify me, allow me to explain why
1) They Only Go Straight
Yeah they go fast down the line, but can anyone do a proper off the lip or a rail-buried turn on one of these? Hell no! And last time I checked, going fast in a straight line is not ripping.
2) They're Overpriced
$800 for a board shaped by a guy I've never heard of? Someone please tell me why a board that uses the exact same amount of resin, foam, and labor is priced more than a comparable shortboard?
3) Ride A Longboard If It's Flat
Save your "Ride what's best for the conditions" argument. If it's small, ride a longboard--don't flail around like an undignified beginner trying to make something out of nothing.
4) They Don't Work Backside
An un-debatable fact--fish don't work backside. Doing a half turn midway up the face of a wave doesn't constitute ripping, neither does sliding out trying to bottom turn or setting up for a barrel.
5) Those Fins Are A Joke!
Seriously, people spend thousands of dollars and hours upon hours of research on fins and their every nuance. So what do these things come equipped with--a laminated piece of plywood that's appears to be the work of a three year old at day care.
Down with the fish! Call me closed-minded, call me an asshole, but that's my rant for the day. What's your take? Send it to
transworldsurf@gmail.com.
Next week: Grown men who boogie board, sweepers, and the guy with his leash on the front foot...
Please note: these are not necessarily the opinions of the BOS member SharkBoy